help me not sure where to go from here?

[trista]

I have a request and am not sure where to go but checked out your site and you all seem very smart and hopefully you can help me out.? I hope anyway.

My scenerio:

I recently got married after being single for over 7 years and I think my husband is tracking my email as well as my activity on the computer of any type.

I know he did this in his past marriage because there was some trust issues in his past marriage. :(

My issue is I do not have anything to hide, but I feel that if he does not trust me then why are we married? I feel very violated if this is what he is doing. The reason I have suspision is because he has mentioned things that I have told a very close friend of mine in some of our emails back and forth and it was very private and really none of his business.

I also write in my journal which I keep on my computer when I need to vent and this is strictly for myself no one else.

My question is: how can I find out if he is indeed monitoring my email or anything for that matter? he does have his own server that we go thru for our internet. but I use msn for my email which he does not have my password to, he does have my email address.

can he get into my email and read it? or what exactly does he have and see?

He has also set himself up on all of my systems as an administrator on the account user which I found odd, he has no need to be on any of my systems, he has his own and I am not set up on any of his systems?

he has me set up in his email with a user name and such that he hosts, but I rarely use this site. he encourages me to use it, but I chose not to for the simple fact that I know he has gotten into my email at that site. :(

it hurts me to think that this man that I love very dearly would not have the respect and trust in me to just ask if he wants to know something rather than go behind my back and get the info.

I know that he has been less than honest with me about certain things and we have discussed so I do have his so called log on and passwords to the sites he has told me about. Only because I caught him not being honest with me and this was one of my stipulations to our working things our. :banghead:

he carried on a internet relationship without giving me full details. ouch!, but I love him and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and move forward in our relationship I married him for better or worse. I just need to know is he trusting me or not? if not then I think we have a bigger problem than what I can fix or work on.

Please let me know what to look for or where to go if I am in the wrong place, as you can see I am not real savy on this internet stuff.

I appreciate any info someone can give me.

thanks in advance for anyone input here

sincerely,

Tammie

[xAngelx]

That's what we need around here... an "Ask Chicken!" column :P

My dear, you've already answered your own questions.... clearly you already know he doesn't trust you, and it seems you don't entirely trust him either.

When you married him you knew his last relationship ended because of trust issues, did you really think he'd changed?

In regards to your computers... they are yours, not his, remove his admin accounts and make it clear to him he has no need for that kind of access. Should he insist, then you should insist on having the same access to his computer, that should shut him up right there.

And if he's carrying on an internet relationship, then in fact he's already "cheating" on you in a sense.

Now being divorced myself I'm hardly an expert on keeping a marriage together, but I'd suggest marriage counselling for the both of you.

It takes a lot of trust to make a marriage work and neither of you seems to have that atm. Unless you can work these things out and learn to trust each other then you might want to find a good lawyer and file for divorce as it's unlikely this relationship will last in it's present form.

[nameslave]

That's what we need around here... an "Ask Chicken!" column :P
I have been wondering if this kind of conversation is better housed here (http://www.hosthideout.com/forumdisplay.php?f=32), as it's more about marriage/relationship than hosting. Anyway, the story line is interesting.

[ldcdc]

A keylogger installed on your computers would give him most of the information he wants regarding your internet activities.

It seems to me that the problem in your relationship goes way beyond passwords and computer related things though. As Donna suggested, the best help might not come from a computer specialist, but from another type of professional.