Top N Signs You Have a Bad Web Host

[allan]

This is a list Roseanne and I came up with for a now-failed book project, please feel free to add your own:

1. You find out his staff of 12 is really just his 12 different personalities.

2. You ask if she has FTP, and she says "Yes, but I take regular shots to prevent a recurrance."

3. Your servers goes down, so you call for support and the recorded message begins with, "So long, suckers..."

4. He is constantly asking you if you can pay in advance, so he can pay his bookie.

5. Your support call is interrupted by, "Bobbie, are you still on the phone? I told you take out the trash and start on your homework hours ago. Get off the phone right now, young man."

6. You drive by the data center and it turns out it is really the back half of a doublewide and there are old racks and and servers up on blocks out front.

7. Your server goes down, you call for support, a little kid answers and says, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now, she is in her quiet place."

8. The support number starts with 900

9. Every morning your server goes down at 9:00AM, you call to ask about this and he tells you that's when he unplugs it to make his coffee.

10. Your hosting company puts you on a server with www.idareyoutohackthisserveryoulamers.com.

[DizixCom]

11. When you ask how big their pipe is she responds with "We don't allow adult content on our network."

[Robert]

11. Their tech hours are from 5PM-8PM because the owner has school in the morning and has a crefew of 8:30PM.

12. Tech's Support AIM's screenname is LilSexyBoi69.

13. You send an Instant message to the support screen name and an auto-response message comes back and says "I'm playing CounterStrike! Talk to me later!"

[allan]

15. She tells you that if you need support during the day you should call Franklin Middle School and tell her you are her mother and she needs to be taken out of class for an emergency.

[Robert]

ok why am I off on numbers? LOL

[Robert]

16. Next to the support # it says (Please call after 5PM and before 9PM - or else my parents get mad)

[Operator]

17. When you ask what connection they have, they say cable.

[Robert]

18. When you ask what connection they have, they say "I know the owner of HostRocket"

[DarktidesNET]

"11. When you ask how big their pipe is she responds with "We don't allow adult content on our network.""

That's funny, I just spit my drink all over :o haha

Thanks for the laugh! :D :D

[kunal]

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH :rofl:


I cant stop laughing... my roomate thinks I have gone nuts... :rofl:

[interactive]

:rofl: That's a riot.
#19 "They tell you that they are colocating at RackShack"

[allan]

See -- i told my agent this would have been a great book, but he wouldn't believe me :(

[Chicken]

#20 You find out you're hosted with TIMMAH! ;)

Sorry... after rading about 10,000 threads on the boy I couldn't resist.

[DarktidesNET]

I was hosted with Tim once.

[net-trend]

#21 Your hosting provider only provides hosting by snail-mail.

#22 Your hosts name has the following words in them;

l33t
hAx0r
b0y
K3wL
and other variants....

#23 Your host doesn't do FTP, instead you have to dial a local number and log into a BBS and use ZMODEM to upload files to your directory.

[shaunewing]

Originally posted by net-trend:
#22 Your hosts name has the following words in them;

l33t
hAx0r
b0y
K3wL
and other variants....


So I guess I shouldn't startup my ultimate dream company 'l33t hAx0r b0y Hosting' then? :D

--Shaun

[interactive]

Originally posted by Chicken:

#20 You find out you're hosted with TIMMAH! ;)

Sorry... after rading about 10,000 threads on the boy I couldn't resist.

This is what I don't get. Why doesn't atleast one of those 10,000 complainers actually go after his parents?

[inogenius]

Originally posted by interactive:

This is what I don't get. Why doesn't atleast one of those 10,000 complainers actually go after his parents?

One hosting company is after them with the company I work for, however in order to place a law suit upon them the address has to be confirmed. To confirm the address we have to do all this crap, and well... Timmah is good at ignoring us and hiding from us.

[David]

#24 Your webhost spells the as teh.

[Robert]

#25 You send an email to support and get a reply back from AOL Mailservers stating that "parental controls on this account are in effect"

[kunal]

:rofl:

[FindSP.com]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by allan:

This is a list Roseanne and I came up with for a now-failed book project, please feel free to add your own:

1. You find out his staff of 12 is really just his 12 different personalities.


I've seen this so many times - the same person is in charge of different department:


Matt - Sales, Matt SUpport, Matt - PR... etc etc..

Actually the hosting company might employ only people names Matt that's an option as well :)


hehe :chicken:

[The Dude]

Hehehe excellent thread!

[shaunewing]

Wow, I forgot this forum existed until I received the forum reply notification.

It has indeed been over 6 years since my last post :)

[The Dude]

Welcome home my friend :)